Omnomnomz.

My name slick, lepak boyz, me & my crew semua sempoi.

2012-02-13T18:02:00.000+08:00

❤

Fat vs Skinny? What fuckery.

2012-02-13T15:32:00.000+08:00

I was bored, so I decided to give Xiaxue's blog a visit. Then, I saw her Adele post. I don't understand why are there the sudden rise of "fat vs skinny" articles. They're everywhere. It makes me sad, whatever happened to body acceptance?

And so, I was reading through her comments from that post & this comment deserves a standing o.
"I think you misinterpreted Adele's statements. She is not debasing anyone on their appearance, she is simply proclaiming her comfort with her own. As for the make-up, almost every girl likes to get dolled up at some point, and when you are a celebrity it is pretty much mandatory, evn for men, particularly if you are being photographed. I don't think she should be panned for her comments. I would also like to point out that not every overweight person is overweight because of laziness or lack of concern for their appearance, there are a lot of different factors that can contribute to such; complacency and laziness leading to obesity is a stereotype. There is nothing wrong with embracing yourself for who you are, and I think that Adele tries to do that, despite how difficult it may be when she has to contend with public scrutiny and industry standards that are already unfair to women. As far as "fat" people hating or criticizing "skinny" people, that is not right either. I myself have been on both sides of the coin, as a teenager I was told I wasn't curvy enough, and now in my mid- twenties,(after gaining weight from medication to treat a medical condition), I have been chastised and ridiculed by certain people about the change in my appearance. It hurts and insults either way, but I have reached a point in my life where my only concern lies within my own perception of myself. I choose to lose weight because I can and I know my quality of life will improve. That being said, there is NO precise definition of beauty. Whether slim, curvy, overweight, athletic, or what have you, we ALL have the right to feel comfortable in our own skin and not give a damn what anyone else says. That is one of the reasons I follow your work Xiaxue, because you are unapologetically you without concern for what the naysayers think; oddly enough, that is the same reason why I like Adele... "

I wish...

2012-02-12T22:17:00.001+08:00

I wish I was confident. I wish I have self esteem that would just stay up high instead of plunging down. All the way, six feet under. I wish thinking about how I am wouldn't make me cry. I'm weak. Really weak. I think this is why he's not here yet. God is trying to tell me something. As much as I show a brave face, I'm not strong. I wish I was.

If there was a name for "anorexia" for looks, I think I might be diagnosed with it. I hate those days when you look at yourself & decide that you're one ugly fat motherfucker, then just breakdown like you never before.

Hasta la vista.

2012-02-11T16:22:00.002+08:00

I've turned...

2012-02-09T20:47:00.002+08:00

Into one of them................................. I'm not proud. I'm scared.

I'm the fucking best, boy, you can't do better.

2012-02-07T20:15:00.000+08:00

It's finally the last day of school tomorrow! Oh god, I've been waiting for this day since forever! I need that rest. I'm praying that my friendship with my bbyzx stays that way. I wouldn't want them to be like all the other classmates I've had. The hi bye "friends". It's not fun anymore. I'm sick of that. I'd be having my internship next semester, which means. No more N. Boo hoo hoo :( Oh well, life has got to move on. At least he finally acknowledges you, Sheila. He finally sees your existence. After half a year of ignoring you. Hais. I think I'm going to cry right now, you have no idea. Hahhahahahahha, fake.

My brain suddenly switched off. I think I better go pray now before I miss the waktu. Bye! x

m30w.

2012-02-05T19:50:00.003+08:00

Syafie Naswip just called me cute, m30w. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAIS. Ashraf Muslim tak dapat, Syafie Naswip pon boleh ah. Eheheheheheeeeee.

Round 1.

2012-02-03T12:01:00.005+08:00

Brace yourself, Sheila. You can do this. Once you're fine with this, you'd be fine the next. Yes, Sheila, keep your head up. Keep that confidence, don't lose it. Please, don't.

Edit (2:55pm): Omgod. It's slowly seeping in that I'm doing it, shit. I think I'm going to shit my pants. Hahhahahahahha.

Edit (4th Feb, 1:04am): I did it, I braced myself. I actually did it! Alhamdulillah, Sheila. I'm so proud of you :> One was like a friend I've known long.

To sum it all up, great day. From going to school, to going back from school, to causeway to lot 1, to dance. Everything. Was. Blissful. Oh, and I only had 1/2 of the noodles I bought @ 10am, then I had Watermelon, then 2 nutella bread & an apple. I love today.

2012-02-02T15:04:00.001+08:00

Big Fat Manifesto.

2012-01-30T01:04:00.001+08:00

"In our culture, to be fat is probably the worst thing you can be. People hate fat. They don’t want to be fat. They don’t want to see fat people. They don’t want fat people to exist. To many of them, fat people aren’t even people." - Review

Memoirs of a fat girl.

2012-01-28T20:09:00.000+08:00

Lately, for some reason, I've been having really bad vibes in school. I don't know, all of the sudden, it hit me, being fat. I've always been that "confident" girl, but out of the blue, I don't why, everything just came crashing down onto me. What was I thinking? I almost actually cried in class for being fat. I am such a wuss. It's not only about being fat, I felt terribly ugly too. It was like a sudden jolt, I was that happy girl and all of a sudden, something really tiny struck me. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. I don't get it, according to my friends (males), a girl can be of his type (meaning has all the attributes he wants or really bad looking even) but as long as she's fat, she's a no go. She'd remain as a friend. Just a friend. Guys and their egos. It's so obvious that they would not date a fat girl because she'd embarrass them, true? Yes. I might not be a guy, but I know what they're thinking. Oh wait, I promised to never talk about this anymore right? Must. Stop. But honestly, I've been having terrible issues with my body lately.

It annoys me even more because I've been eating fruits every single day and people just have to be on my turf and say, "are you not full yet?" or "you're just going to eat that!?" or "hahahhaha, what? You're on a diet now? (Smirks)". Fuck all of ya'll. You need at least 2 servings of fruits everyday okay, so shut up if you hate fruits. Doesn't mean that I eat fruits, I'm actually on a diet? Oh, hold up, you have been making fun of my body since forever and when I eat fruits, you don't have the right to say that I should be eating rice instead. Fuck you. I might be laughing along to your lame ass jokes but trust me, it wasn't even funny. #ghettomodeon Ridiculous.

2012-01-26T14:59:00.001+08:00

Chocolate Addict? Me.

2012-01-24T20:14:00.000+08:00

I have officially morphed into a chocolate addict. If there actually is a rehab for this, Mama would probably throw me in already. This is the very reason why when I stop eating chocolates. I'd resist eating one again because when I start, I'm a goner. I regretted buying Dove that one day because Twitter has been tempting me to get chocolates. I went over to Huda's ate more chocolates & now, I just can't stop. I need more chocolates. Hais, like I'm already not fat enough. It's either that I'm an addict or my period's coming. Why, period! Why do you keep making me fat! Why! The Spongebob "Chocolate" guy pretty much sums up everything. Yay.

Wedding, wedding. Yay.

2012-01-22T18:57:00.002+08:00

If you guys followed me on Twitter, you would have known that I have been dying to attend a wedding since forever & thankfully, there's finally 1 (which I am able to attend, finally)! It's mom's cousin from Malaysia, I think she's 27 or something, married to a rich man, I heard. According to Mama, "Allah finally granted her prayers". Amin.

Oh, and I saw Johari... He smiled at me from afar. Ehehhh. He's Mama's cousin. Shut up. He's just 1/2 years older, don't judge. Plus, his phone number is on the wedding card, HAHAHHAHAHAHAH no. That awkward moment when you two were so close, & you used to have a crush on him. Whatever, I shall just dump the pictures here then :>

Lol, I looked shit yesterday & I didn't take much pictures of myself. So yeah, no pictures of me.

Undercut, boiiiii.

2012-01-17T00:12:00.005+08:00

Abe gambar kepale macam gajah, how?
xoxo

HAHAHHAHAHA oh god save me.

2012-01-15T14:43:00.007+08:00

God knows how many times have I watched this. It's not exactly vocally nice, but Idk, must be the chemistry between them that makes it nice? I really have no idea. It's so sweet. I can't even. Dear god, please give me a boyfriend that could sing with me. Just so we could gaze at each other's eyes while singing (like this). Doesn't matter if we both suck. HAHAHAHHAHAIS. BALIK LAH, SHEILA.

Help?

2012-01-09T19:21:00.000+08:00

Please help me decide! Ignore the skirt post, I think I'm giving it a pass. I checked my measurements & it was like 4/5 times bigger than my hips size (for the first time). We all know that I deserve to live in America. I'm a US12. HHAHHAHAHAHA. Ok. Dream on, woman.

Anyways, I'm deciding between these two bags. Should I get the dreamcatcher or the triangle bohemian one? Please comment! Need your opinions!

Need. Have. Must. Stop.

2012-01-08T02:38:00.001+08:00

I have to stop listening to Zani's cover & feeling-feeling, curl myself in bed like as though I got dumped. But... I love Zani. Don't know what I'd do if he decides to delete his channel.

Should I or should I not?

2012-01-06T01:06:00.002+08:00

I have been highly obsessed with midi skirts ever since I saw Fat Aus wearing it in one of her blog posts. I couldn't find one that would actually fit me here in Singapore, so I went on an online shopping spree? I happened to find a local based plus sized online store which actually sold the same exact skirt @ a much cheaper price! Fine, it's not exactly "cheap" but still worth it. I mean considering that I have such a huge ass. It's a size 20 though, I'm a size 14/16/18. I don't know, should I just get it? I mean if it's bigger, it wouldn't cling on to my tummy much right, I mean since it has to be tucked in anyways?

I saw one of her post wearing a pink midi skirt too, I tried to find the post but I lost it. Damn. Oh, so basically, it's either the stripes or the blue one. Both is SGD$42 (Well, what do you expect, they're from Asos). The blue is in size 22, which I think would fall off my hips? Idk. But I reallyreally want them! I shall measure & give my hip size to the blog owner, & check if it's too big on me. For once, I am actually disappointed that I'm "small" to wear something. HAHAHAHHA. Oh, the irony.

I'm also searching for a peterpan collared dress, oh well, since I finally "dared" myself out with tights? Ehehehhehh. Ok. Whatever. I really want this but it's abit overpriced, Asos........ Haissssssss, $66? Boo, you whore.

2012-01-05T12:06:00.001+08:00

This is bad.

2012-01-04T22:45:00.007+08:00

My self esteem has been at it's lowest these days. I don't know. Anything people tell me, anything people judge me on, or anything people comment me on, I'd feel easily demoralised. I'd feel shit. I came back home feeling like shit yesterday, I felt like crying myself to sleep & never wake up. Why.......... Am I so ugly. Why....... Do I look pretty in pictures but not in real life? Fuck. I wish I was pretty & I wish I had the motivation to continue studying. Hais. Need. Help. I need to stop going to school, being all like "school's shit, everyone's shit". Need. Have. To. Stop.

I am invisible girl again. Smile at me as and when you like, pretend that I'm non-existent as and when you like. Hais. Why do I even care?

Clueless girl.

2012-01-03T13:37:00.005+08:00

Need a good explanation here. I don't understand why wouldn't guys approach girls when they like them? Like the tweet I retweeted Blackology, "I hate it when guys don't make the first move. Does the egg swim up to the sperm? Exactly." You don't give hints, you don't tell, you don't even talk & out of the blue, "You know what, I used to have a crush on you". What. What fuckery.

Oh & one more thing. Do boys actually find it fun to find a random girl they find pretty, talk to them, angkat balls for a day or two, then decide that there are more prettier girls out there, and just leave her hanging like that? Knowing that there are people around me that are friends with me because they think they're prettier/smaller in size than me, doesn't help either. Stop comparing myself with you okay, you're prettier lah. So stop. Everyone is. So shut up already. Get someone else to be your "I'm-with-loser" experiment.

"But I promise myself to never, ever, ever, let guys get to know me online. I hate it when they finally see me, they'd be very disappointed because I was not the girl that they had expected to see." - Requoted from past blogpost. I am sorry how my blogposts have been revolving around the same things lately, I promise I'd stop. From today onwards, yes. This shall be the last.

What.

2012-01-03T00:26:00.002+08:00

Who the hell cries really badly because she's fat? Me. Who the hell never learnt her lesson? Me. Who the hell told herself to learn her lesson but continues doing it over & over again? Me. Who the hell is bloody stupid? Me. Who the hell let her guards down? Me. I'm sorry for not being skinny & pretty enough. I'm a stupid shit.

HAHAHAHAHHAHA KARAOKE.

2011-12-31T01:34:00.002+08:00

Lol @ Farah's concentrated face.

Conceited_gal101

2011-12-27T03:00:00.000+08:00

Hahahhahaha. There's more! But I shall update again (on my trip) some other time when I'm not sleepy.

Plus-sized "macam faham" fashion post.

2011-12-20T21:43:00.003+08:00

For the 100th time I look @ this picture, I still can't get over the fact that I went to the other half of Singapore in tights. Wow. It did take me a lot of courage. Might be nothing to you, but it's my whole life. It's as though I'm going out in shorts. I know, you wouldn't get it. It's my legs. - Via Iphone

Stop it.

2011-12-20T19:51:00.000+08:00

I need to stop doing this. Yes, it would be nice to actually have a boyfriend, but when they're coming my way, I'd start ignoring them. Why? I feel like they're such a nuisance in my life. I don't want to be by my phone 24/7, updating someone of my life. What I am doing? Whether I've showered? Or whether I've eaten? And then that same exact question is being asked again and again and again. What? I don't know! Is it just me? Or am I just not ready? I hate it when people ask me what am I doing? Prolly because all I do is laze around, reading books or watching dramas. I have no life. I have nothing interesting to impress. I'm a boring girl. Wait, why am I talking about myself again? Back to the story. I just feel like rimas. You know rimas? And I'm sick and tired of being the second choice or in this case the last. Ah. Fuck ya'll, I'm going to Narnia. No, there are prolly a million people there already. I'm just going to my bed. Hhahahahahhahaha. Bye.

I don't see the huge hoo-haas about birthdays.

2011-12-17T16:47:00.001+08:00

I had no birthday cake. Hahahah, ok. I expected that, tbh. But I'm dying for a sinful chocolatey chocolate cake. Mmmmdap. Shall pay Secret Recipe a visit someday.

Expectations lead to disappointments remember? Which is why I don't expect much. I don't celebrate birthdays so, it's nothing new. I think, this is the only year that people actually kind of cared? I guess. Wait, apart from last year's "surprise" celebration. That was sweet.

Expectations lead to disappointments... So I was disappointed. No, not about my birthday. It was just... Sigh. I can't put that up here. But... Bxbsnosalabhsiaslsndbsj. I hate you. Douchebag.

Oh yes. One question tho, do you actually "belanja" a person on their birthday? I mean when you ask them out for a bday dinner/lunch? Need to know. Thanks. - Updated via Iphone

Sleeping it off would be the best thing right now.

2011-12-15T00:05:00.004+08:00

I'm giving you 2 weeks tops, and you're out. Douchebag.

Food for thought.

2011-12-13T20:04:00.002+08:00

I was at my lowest last night. I've never done that before in a long time, I cried myself so hard to sleep. I was watching a drama, pretty much religion related, then it suddenly struck me. I wouldn't know when I'll die, when god decides it's time for me to take my leave. Which explains why the sudden religious related tweet before I fell asleep. "Jauh daripada islam to the extend that you can't mengucap. Not even say Allahuakhbar. That's scary." "Takut kan, kita tak akan tau pn kalau bila kita bangun, adakah kita masih Islam." I got scared, I really was. As I prayed, I just wouldn't stop crying. Then, I fell asleep.

Ya Allah, peliharalah hatiku daripada segala yang melalaikan. Dekatkanlah diriku kepadamu, hilangkanlah kesedihanku, sembuhkanlah kesakitanku & halaulah keresahan di jiwaku, Ya Allah. Amin ya rabbal alamin.

Time to set my priorities straight.

2011-12-12T19:24:00.003+08:00

Haiyaaaaaaaaaahhhhh. I gemok already lah. I mean, gemok-er. I hate exams. I hate chocolates. Get them away from me. Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. K. I'm going on a cold turkey from chocolates. Yes. No? Yes. Ugh. I need to marry a man with a high metabolism rate, just so my child wouldn't have to suffer the same fate. Oh right, if she has my genes, she'd hate me for life. Haissssssssss...........

2011-12-12T15:30:00.002+08:00

Sesaat kau datang.

2011-12-12T15:00:00.001+08:00

Kau mendekat, kau menjauh, kau tinggalkan diriku. Sesudahnya kau membuang, mencampakkan aku. Sungguh kejamnya dirimu, mengkhianati cinta yang ku semat di jiwa. Kau hancurkan segala harapan. Kau remukkan cinta yang telah kita bina. Jika sudah kau mencintai dia, putuskan aku dengan baik caranya. Walaupun sakit hati ku rasa, sesungguhnya aku tak rela. Kerana hatiku masih mencintai, dirimu dengan sepenuh hati. Tapi ku ikhlas melepaskanmu kerana aku manusia biasa.

Maybe it's time, I stop crossing these lines.

2011-12-12T13:58:00.008+08:00

It hurts. I let my guard down. Sheila, you must start learning from your past mistakes. I kept telling myself how strong I am, but only that one thing made everything crumble. I am officially not ready for a relationship. Yet. Yes, it was probably something small, but just these little things, made me feel how unworthy I am. I don't know. I know I should not feel this way about myself. But I promise myself to never, ever, ever, let guys get to know me online. I hate it when that they finally see me, they would feel very disappointed because I was not the girl that they had expected to see. What they get is a nerdy, 18 year old, fat girl, who has never seen the world, which is not open minded. At all. All stuck in her very own world.

I officially think that there are something wrong with my eyes or my mirror, or camera. I don't know. I'm going to say this straight, I did think that I was pretty, I did think that. Honestly. I don't know, I might have to start taking that back. Whenever someone starts calling me fat, or just anything hurtful, it takes me a long time to get over that. I am fat. I am living in denial. Stop telling me that I'm not. It's fucking obvious. I am fat. Breathe, Sheila. It's time to start doing something again, fuck all your laziness, Sheila. I swear to god, I don't know how people who are of my size able to find that "prince" when I can't. Nobody likes me, I swear. I know. Who the hell would like me anyways? I can't flirt, I don't know shit about relationships. Okay, maybe I do. But I don't know shit on how to approach guys, basically how to flirt. No one in the right mind would want me. I'm just an awkward little girl who is scared of physical touch. Fuck me. No, I'm not lonely or desperate. It just annoys me how that one guy would always fall into the "friends" category. ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

This makes me feel like poop. I hate letting people know how I feel but this is my blog. Whatever that's in here, stays in here. None of you are allowed to ask/talk to me about it or I might start privating my blog. Thanks. P/s I have a soft spot for a guy who is religiously strong but still open minded.

2011-12-07T15:50:00.002+08:00

"I was, but then I realized that I was holding on to something that didn't exist anymore. That the person I missed didn't exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we can wish they wouldn't all day long, but that never works." You.

xoxo

2011-12-03T15:11:00.003+08:00

What everyone thinks.

2011-12-02T12:14:00.000+08:00

I know everyone thinks that I lead a problem-free life. Well, no one would know unless "berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul (put yourself in another's shoes)". As much as I want to share it with people, I doubt anyone would understand. I have no one to tell except god. It's okay, setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya (there's a reason behind everything). Always believe that.

What is wrong with me?

2011-12-01T13:06:00.001+08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me. I get annoyed so easily these days. What, is my PMS starting to come together? I know I don't get PMSes but lately it has been at it's peak. I can't stand it, every single thing gets amplified. It's as though I'm a vampire or something. Where emotions gets amplified. I get so annoyed when people leave me all alone in a crowded place, when a whole group of people is laughing & you know that 1 person probably doesn't get it but still laugh anyways, when a group of people think something is funny when it's not, when kept telling the world about a song in a language nobody understands except them (especially when they keep playing them), when my brother punches me (I used to be able to tolerate them). Just everything! I get so annoyed at everything. Every. Living. Thing.

And I'm sorry, if I don't get the joke, I don't pretend to laugh. I hate it whenever I manage to spot that person. I can tell from their face that they don't understand shit but they still pretended to be laughing along, so that they'd fit in. Shut up. I'm sorry, Sheila needs to calm down & arrange her thoughts. I'm a happy goober, yes I am.

It is 1:30am........

2011-11-28T01:32:00.001+08:00

And I feel like blogging something stupid since I have the blogger app on my phone. Soooooooo, hi. Random fact #01: I hate taking a dump.

I really do, boooooo. Ok bye now. School later. Goodnight! xx

I am a happy goober.

2011-11-27T21:16:00.004+08:00

I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober.
I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober.
I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober.
I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober.
I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober.
I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober.
I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober. I am a happy goober.

Yes, I am.

My god.

2011-11-22T12:41:00.000+08:00

I really don't know what's with me. I've been skipping school everyweek, since the 2nd week of classes. And this is obviously unhealthy. If I don't skip classes, I'd be late for school. I'm starting to feel the pinch now. Totally going to affect my GPA since I'm skipping school without LOA. Which means MC. I'm doomed. What is wrong with me! Forever waking up soooo late for school. I need to stop sleeping late on school night. It's not even fun anymore. I better start studying for tomorrow's paper. Would be ridiculous if I skip school & still fail the paper tomorrow. But the problem is, I really don't know how to do the paper. I really don't get it. Help? Ugh. RDNA, why! That's it. No more lateless and no more skipping school. I can do it, there's only 8 more weeks of school left. I shouldn't risk this. Let's go!

Holla! Check out my new Tumblah dashboard.

2011-11-20T14:52:00.002+08:00

Hahhahaha. Hipster's so not me, but I love how the Nebula looks like. The other floral skins are ugly as hell, so, I'm working on it. I managed to edit the "badass" part into the skin though, I shall slowly learn how to make my own dashboard theme ;) Please, ignore my windows. I was supposed to be studying, but I ended up being on Tumblr. Forever. Back to studying now, I guess? Bye.

Forever Awkward.

2011-11-19T19:54:00.002+08:00

I don't know if I'm the only one who does this, but every single time I accidentally make eye contact with a guy (stranger) in public, I have the tendency to widen my eyes then do the :/ face & quickly look away. The whole eye contact + widen eye + :/ face will usually take like 5 seconds or so? Almost like JT, but longer (lol).

When I walk away, I would keep making scenes in my head, like what if I had smiled at him? In that 5 seconds, that person could have just looked away, but that person didn't. I would always be the one to break the eye contact. God. Am I the only one who does this? Hahhahahahah. This is weird. Or maybe because I had a booger on my cheek or something. Yup, I'm sticking to that.

And Mama's starting to put Syahiran on a strict diet. Finally! She finally sees that he needs to lose that weight. I'm enjoying this too, because I can eat what she cooks for him too. Which means, I'll benefit from this too! He's exercising now btw, lol. Too funny.

This is eargasmic.

Baby, I just don't get it?

2011-11-18T14:10:00.000+08:00

I don't understand why is it that boys are not allowed to prioritize their friends more than their girlfriend when the girls are "allowed" to do so? I'm being fair here, I was reading my friend's tweet & she was pissed as hell that her boyfriend prioritized his friends more than her? I understand lah. But friends comes first remember? That's the rule. All I said to her was "Why can't they do so?" & she had to indirect tweet me, & say how annoyed she is. That it's her thought & shit, & if I don't like it, I should unfollow her? I was just asking, what is so wrong with that? I really don't get it.

We live by the "chicks before dicks" & the boys live by "bros before hoes". Friends know your boyfriend/you longer. I really don't get it. Probably because I've never been "in a relationship" before, so I just don't know how paranoid one can be when it comes to boyfriends & shit.

Can someone please explain to me this fuckery?

When that one word makes you crumble.

2011-11-17T21:09:00.000+08:00

Whatever happened to confidence & proud of being plus sized? (Sigh) You just need one person of the opposite gender to say the "magic" word & make my life so miserable. I was slowly getting used to the fact that there's nothing wrong with eating, I can't let this affect me in any way. It took me years to overcome this. It wasn't easy. I swear... I hate society, I hate mankind. I hate everyone.

"I am beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring me down. I am beautiful, in every single way, words can't bring me down. So don't you bring me down today..."

And to think that I promised myself to never fall for them,

2011-11-12T23:35:00.002+08:00

I'm one of them now... Help?
P/s I call dibbs on Niall & Louis. None for you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, aku tak percaya cinta.

2011-11-12T21:38:00.003+08:00

"Aku tak pernah fikirkan cinta. Sekadar mengusik kamu, biarlah cinta yang datang padaku. Aku tahu kau ingin bercinta, janganlah cepat jatuh cinta, berkawan dahalu baru ceritanya sempurna"

Intended on blogging on Hari Raya Haji and dumping in the pictures in the post, but I can't find my mini SD card reader. Ugh, it's not like I took many pictures anyways. I wore false eyelashes nonetheless. I really have nuts to blog about these days, my English sucks. Should I resort to blogging in Malay now? Gasp, I didn't just think that. No wait, maybe I should? :OOOOO I'm sorry, pretty much talking to myself now. Bye.

Oh. And if you're wondering from what song I "quoted" that from? It's from this:

Salam Hajj Mubarak.

2011-11-05T18:09:00.001+08:00

Someday, I, we shall all go there.

"Music is my life - You're my sweetest nightingale"

2011-11-05T17:59:00.001+08:00

For some reason, I have this weird feeling in me that kept telling me that I am going to die. I don't know, I'm sure most of the people around me are starting to get annoyed with my sudden religiousness. But I couldn't help it, I'm so scared. I'm so scared of dying. I'm so scared of afterlife. What if, one day, I didn't wake up from my sleep? What if I forgot to pray, or didn't pray the die before I die? What is going to happen to me? I'm scared. Everyday, I pray, I pray for the best for everyone around me too. We shall all be a better Muslim as days pass. One day, you will all change too. This, in no way am I trying to show off, or be proud but this is what I have been feeling these days. I don't know why am I so scared all the time. It's like death is running after me.

"The long December rain is falling now. Running down on streets to nowhere. Music is my life, you're my sweetest nightingale. But I can't hear it here no more. And I go, I go..."

Can I be the Tink to your Peter Pan?

2011-10-29T15:11:00.003+08:00

I'm Bumble-ducking-bee.
I just realised that I slouch, my god ._.

That confidence.

2011-10-25T18:48:00.000+08:00

I wish I was confident enough to dress up, dress well. There's so many things I'd want to wear, but like I said, I never have the confidence to dress the way I want to. It's either I think it's too much, too weird or I'm fat. I've always wanted to wear leggings. But nooo, Mama would always tell me how my legs look like that of an elephant & I'd never wear them. I would never leave the house with leggings. I think, the day I finally wear leggings, is the greatest accomplishment of my life. I think I would never wear pants again. Hahahha. I mean, there's so many dresses you can wear with leggings! Since I can't wear dresses without pants.

Look @ Tara Lynn, she's beautiful. I wish I was that confident. I wish I have the money to buy "plus sized" clothes. Le sigh.

What is wrong with me?

2011-10-23T21:13:00.006+08:00

I feel like as though I just got fucking dumped.
I can't blog or reblog things without feeling shit afterwards because I know people I know would read them & start seeing me differently. Breathe. I'm a happy goober. I think I'm bipolar, especially when I'm alone.

2011-10-22T23:23:00.002+08:00

That time in the middle of the night (fine, it's only 11) when I feel like crying for still feeling full from tonight's dinner. I don't know, I feel shit all of a sudden. I don't even know what am I sad from! My god. Excuse while I try to understand myself. For some odd reason, I actually am starting to like my body. I like it the way it is. But, everyone around me constantly tells me I'm fat. So fucking fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. When I eat fruits, people would keep saying "Oh, she's on a diet". FUCK YALL, I'M NOT ON A FUCKING DIET. I just LOVE FRUITS. Oh, & heard of depressed binging? I think that's what happening to me.

Dying on the inside.

2011-10-18T01:02:00.001+08:00

Was rewatching A Cinderella Story. Will never get sick of it. Never. I love Hilary Duff. I miss my childhood.

So yesterday.

2011-10-16T20:57:00.001+08:00

I was googling on Hilary Duff's pregnancy, pretty much creepin on her. Wanted to see how big her tummy is right now. God, she's so beautiful. I sure miss being in the 90/early 20s. I still remember buying her "Metamorphosis" & her "Most Wanted" album. God knows where they went though. I was actually youtube-ing on all her old songs & I instantly laughed to myself, because I still remember each and everyone of the lyrics. Especially "Metamorphosis" & my favourite part was the "rap" AHHAHAHAHA. I doubt I even understood the song back then. While looking through all the old songs, I happen to see this song from Aaron Carter, "Let Go"? Funny how I almost teared. It's sad. Too bad one's happily married and pregnant. Your lost for cheating on her.

Oh, and I remembered buying 3 of Gwen Stefani's "Love. Angel. Music. Baby." album and Ashlee Simpson's "I Am Me". I still don't understand why I bought 3 of that Gwen Stefani's album. Also remembered ironing Ashlee Simpson's lyric book, the one that's in the album? Hhahahaha, yes. I was that stupid. I wanted to make it straight again, since it was all crumpled but who knew that thing was plastic. So, it kind of like melted, and there were like bubbles all around it. Lol. Funny times.

Anyways, I reallyreallyreally miss my childhood. I miss 607, I miss Zaki, I miss Aqim, I miss Dian, I miss Wen Hui, I miss that godknowswhatthatwrestlingkid'sname. Oh, & I used to play with insects & snails? Alot. Remembered hating my parents for shifting house. I was talking to my parents about Aqim last night, since I kinda like found him on Facebook recently. And they were telling me how back then, he used to come over & we would play cooking & dolls together to the extend that he didn't want to go back home. Hahahha, I know we were the best of friends. He's really different now though, wait, who am I kidding. We all are. We grew. I think I'm going to start tearing now. Hahahhaha, ken-tal.

"So yesterday, so yesterday, haven't you heard that I'm gnna be okay".

I was a beautiful girl.

2011-10-16T18:15:00.002+08:00

Was looking through pictures from my Picasa. Apparently, Picasa grabs all the pictures I have uploaded on my blog. My god, I was beautiful. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. I can't even.

Hahah. Made me wonder, what did I think of myself when I look into the mirror back then? Especially during those, "Sleeq" craze moments. I bet every single time Sleeq saw me, they'd be like "Ugh. This girl again". HAHAHAHHAHA DUCK. I don't even know what I was wearing most of the time. K sumpah kelaka. I want to fart on my face now. Bye.

Ok. I admit it, I miss China :C

2011-10-14T21:13:00.007+08:00

Was looking through the pictures from China, and omgod. I fookin' miss 'em. And because of that, I'm going to spam this whole post with pictures in China that most of you guys probably never seen before. Oh, I'll leave the whole "lab mice" dissected pictures at the end. Whatever it is, I've warned you.

Sorry mousey, you were a good girl.

Don't want to depend on no-one else, I'd rather rescue myself.

2011-10-11T23:38:00.001+08:00

"I can slay my own dragons. I can dream my own dreams. My knight in shining armor is me. So I'm gonna set me free~"

But why?

2011-10-11T00:13:00.003+08:00

I'm just going to let out things that has been lingering in my head. I hope nothing would happen because "you shouldn't talk about people, things might happen back to you". Karma, they say. I know that I'm not a saint, nor am I perfect. But, I don't understand why people do things that are against your own religion? You know that it's wrong, but why do you still do it? Fine, it's between god and the person. I just couldn't help feeling scared for them. One question though, why are they even proud doing all these things? What good does it bring to you?

I'd prolly delete this post after this. I feel shit just even blogging about this. I feel shit for them, and myself for not doing anything. But whatever. Ya Allah, kau jauhkanlah aku dari perkara yang tidak baik ini.

Oh. And why the hell do I keep tweeting, reblogging, retweeting, and posting about heartbroken/anti-boys shit. As though I've been through shit. Hahhahahhahah. Wtf. Step rabak pe siuuuullzzzzz. K jokes, but really. I think I'm running for an anti-boys campaign.

58830.) I wanna be skinnier, but I love fooood.

2011-10-09T05:01:00.003+08:00

♥

2011-10-05T21:24:00.002+08:00

My love for being alone.

2011-10-01T14:24:00.000+08:00

No one understands my love for being alone all the time. I don't know, I will never forget those days in Secondary school when people kept saying how I'd never be independent. Well, it looks like you people would have to take that back. I love travelling to places alone (provided that they're in Singapore). I love train rides alone. And as long as I have my Itouch with me, I'm good. But, I honestly think that my joy for being alone would cost me my friendship/relationship with people. I mean, I'd rather go to school alone. Go back home alone. Everything alone. I don't know why. As much as I love talking so much, I'd rather have some time on my own.

Giggly goo.

2011-09-28T23:36:00.001+08:00

When people have dreams of me crying.

2011-09-27T16:04:00.002+08:00

Why? I've never cried in front of people.

I miss them all already.

Why have I been missing.

2011-09-26T16:09:00.002+08:00

I was supposed to blog about how I'm leaving for China, but I totally forgot about it. So yeah, here I am, back in Singapore. Jet lagged, kidd. I don't get jet lagged, just sleepy as hell. Couldn't sleep in the plane just now, the turbulence was scary as hell. It just suddenly plunged down all of a sudden.

Anyways, the whole trip was shit. The hospital & company visits were boring as hell. The food sucked. But the whole sight seeing @ Beijing + bargaining the shit out of items were fun. The sellers @ Silk Street are rude. I don't get it, if you don't want the things they're selling, it means you don't want it. Why would you pull the person hard on the arm? I was a victim & really, I thought I was going to die. At least I got an imitation Longchamp pouch for 25 rmb, which is just S$5. Oh, and if you walk away after haggling for the "maximum" amount you want, they'd either shout back for you to come back & accept the amount you set or curse the shit out of you. I was called "crazy girl". Wthell did I even do? Lol.

We even climbed the great fucking wall of China. Who knew it would be that tiring? I thought that I was going to die! I didn't manage to climb all the way to the top, because the steep stairs & slippery slopes scared the shit out of me. Oh, and I was too tired. The place was crowded! People just push you around, if anyone tripped me over, I'd prolly fall & die. We managed to reach the tower before the last one. At least, it's something :p When we were about to go back down, a group of Chinese came up to us for a picture. Sudden minute of fame. And suddenly, another group of them came to take pictures together with us. Lol, holy hell. We must've looked really "different". Then, he came. He went up alone (because the others were too tired to even continue), he wanted to go all the way up but I think he saw us, and came to us. We 4 (plus him) went down together, he waited for me when I was @ the back alone. But I think he's naturally that nice. We even walked side by side for so long, but it was quiet as hell. I pretended that I was too tired to talk, I didn't know what to say. You know how awkward I get in front of guys I like. Yes, lo and behold, the forever awkward girl. - I knew he existed since a year ago. He was my "secret" eyecandy :C And now that I always have frequent small talks when we walk, (sigh). Whatever man.

See, the crowd was crazy. I finally understand why the Chinese here hates them. They're rude, impatient & dirty. I can't even. In anyway, back to him. I caught him looking @ W alot of times. With this "pity" face, but I guess that is his I-like-her face. Yes, I noticed them. Alot. But she's pretty & nice, it's impossible for a guy to not like her. Unlike me, so fat & ugggssss. Haha, yo, whatever man. I guess it was just a "one week" thing. It doesn't matter anymore anyways.

My face & from butt all the way down has cold rashes all around. So ugly, I couldn't stop scratching. It must've been the bad air in China. Cold, and dry. The humidity level was so low. Tsk, so ugly.

Oh, and you know how now that you spend almost 24/7 with your friends, you'd actually know their true colours? I knew one of mine. She's annoying as hell, so clingy. Would never let go of me. I would love some space & privacy, girl. I want to talk to other people too. Why must you always be there?! I wanted to talk to him alone & she ran over to lock her arms on mine?! Seriously tho?? We were side by side sitting, and she made him stand so that she could sit on his seat? I was feeling so comfortable having small talks, and laughing with him. Tsk.

"I don’t know but I think I maybe, fallin’ for you. Dropping so quickly. Maybe I should keep this to myself. Waiting ’til I know you better. I am trying not to tell you but I want to. I’m scared of what you’ll say, so, I’m hiding what I’m feeling."

"But you can't have a man look at you for a second, without you being insecure"

2011-09-15T19:39:00.001+08:00

Fuck yeah, I conquered both Human & Cyclon. Took them twice each, I swear to god the next time I come over, I'm just taking these & the Mummy ride. Tsk, somebody, bring me to Six Flags already. It was my first roller coaster ride ever (I don't consider the mummy ride as rollercoaster, lol)! I managed to open my eyes all the way the second time I rode them. It was crazzzzyyyyy, especially when they turn 360. But I don't get it, tbh, I think the Human (red) was much scarier compared to Cyclon (blue). I mean the initial drop for the Human was waaaayy steeper. I had no idea where to hold for my dear life, lol.

It was scorching hot that day too, man, I couldn't stop perspiring. I would love to upload more, but most of the pictures are with my friends, my camera's just filled with my own face :p In anyways, I finally got my "potion" bottle! (Happy_gerl93)

Excuse how bad I looked like that day. Total fashion blunder, plus the weather wasn't helping @ all. I was the only one that got really wet (head to toe) from the "lights, camera, action" shit. Lol, so suay.

#plussizepride

2011-09-15T02:03:00.005+08:00

As much as I want to lose weight, I actually want to keep my curves. I don't care what society thinks but, curves are beautiful. I wouldn't want to be shapeless if I "happen" to "lose" weight. And I quite like my body naked, hahahaha. Yes, I'm serious. Would be nice if I could wear sleeveless & shit, but I shall just keep them for my husband :p Jokes. Once I have my own income, and my own visa, I am so buying things from ASOS. It's killing me, I want to do an ASOS spree too! My dreams as a plus size blogger, maybe someday, when I finally have the courage & confidence. Smh.

"All you lovely beautiful girls out there, you are so lucky to be unique & different & to stand out in this world. Remember that there are girls & guys out there who love all different kinds of women, we don't fit into one category."

Raya w/ E37P bunnies.

2011-09-14T15:40:00.000+08:00

I love my bunnies. Funny how we haven't met for a year plus, and it still felt like we were still in the same class together. Another raya outing on Friday, this time, with my primary school bunch. Hopefully, it wouldn't be toooo awkward (prays).

P/s, all the girls already have a boyfriend, and me, well, hahahaha, n0 hab.

Heartstrings

2011-09-10T06:35:00.001+08:00

Geureol geomnida ijeul geomnida oneulbuteo nan
Geudaeran saram moreuneun geobnida hanbeondo bon jeok eomneun geobnida
Gireul geotdagado seuchin jeok eomneun
Gwaenchanseumnida ijeossseumnida bappeun ilsange haengbokhajyo
Geunsahae boineun saramdo mannago

I will forget you. Starting today,
I don’t know you. I have never seen you.
We never even walked pass each other.
I’m okay. I forgot everything. I’m happy with my busy life.
I’ve met a great person too.

Hi Kak Ila, I found a new "crazy photo" partner :p

2011-09-08T04:13:00.002+08:00

Midnight Ramblings.

2011-09-08T03:30:00.003+08:00

I was reading through the RP Muslim Students facebook, I enjoy reading through and getting to know new Islamic related things. In anyway, I stumbled across this:

Salam Brothers and Sisters, ♥
something to share..especially for kaum Adam..Read it properly.. :)
...........
"Aku terima nikahnya si dia binti si ayah dia dengan mas kahwinnya $.."
Bunyi macam senang? Nah ini erti sebenarnya:

"Aku tanggung dosa-dosa si dia dari ibu bapanya, apa saja dosa yang dia buat, dari dedah aurat hingga ke tinggalnya solat, aku tanggung dan bukan lagi ibu bapanya tanggung, dan aku tanggung semua dosa bakal anak-anak aku. Kalau gagal, maka aku fasik, dayus & aku rela masuk neraka, aku rela malaikat Zabaniyah melibas aku hingga pecah badanku."

Getting married isn't as easy, and as females, we should lighten our husband's sins. Confirm banyak perempuan lenggang kangkung sebab semua suami yang tanggung kan? I don't even know why I'm blogging on this but I totally had no idea about this before. I know that the man is the head of the house, breadwinner. And he holds on to the kids sins. For if we (kids) don't do what we're obliged to do, he'd hold on to the sins. No one wants that. You wouldn't want to see your dads suffer. Or husbands. So yeah, just sharing on this new information :)

Hi, Sayang.

2011-09-05T18:17:00.002+08:00

That's day 1 to day 4 of my Raya visiting. Most of the time, with the Maternal side of my family (My maternal side isn't that huge). Have yet to go Raya visiting on the Paternal side tho, but maybe, next week, before heading to Beijing. That's right, I'm going to Beijing, bitchasszxzxz! K I keed, but I'm really going. (I have no idea why, but I'm in the "hey, I'm making a youtube video right now" mode while typing) Talking about video, I have yet to upload a new video on my "plus size" Youtube account. They're only for my supposed to be "Weightloss Challenge". But what the heck, I have only lost 10 kg so far. And it's going nowhere because I can't stop eating. We only live once, I'm going to eat till I die. First Lady should hire me as their plus size model. Ok bye.

Selamat Hari Raya, Bunnies.

2011-08-31T17:45:00.007+08:00

I apologise for the lack of updates, I have been terribly busy, I couldn't even find the time for my sleep! Boohoo. At least I managed to catch up on it today. 10 hours of sleep, that was all I needed. Oh, and believe it or not, my bedroom is still a mess. Threw everything under my bed, I better take them out & clean them properly this time round. Oh right, yes, the cover that I owed you guys! Please don't hurl @ me, it prolly suck, couldn't sing it as well as Mamat. The key to the instrumental is like 2 keys lower than my voice, (which obvsly sucked). Oh, and please ignore my "miang" faces I made, I honestly didn't think that I would use this video to upload, but it was the only video I managed to make since I had no time to do so.

Hahhahaha, my video still, my eyes. Like I said, ignore my hair & the background. I was cleaning halfway then, I thought of making the video. Is it nasal-ey? Man, I can never sing this song. So hard.

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin from my family to yours! (I wanted to upload a photo of my first full family potrait for Raya, but my parents wouldn't allow me to upload a picture of them online. Maybe, some other time)

Oh & that's my house, for if you guys can't make it over. Feel free to come over if you guys want to, I made chocolate chip cookies! :)

FREEEDOMMM!

2011-08-26T14:11:00.000+08:00

You have no idea how ecstatic I was when the time for my Immunology paper was up. The paper was surprisingly manageable! I love Friday, TGIF! No, TGSO (Thank God School's Over!)! I wanted to cry, knowing that I no longer have to sacrifice my sleep to study. Heading to Ikea soon, I want to get stickers for my wall. I made a Raya cover, btw. Contemplating on whether I should upload it, I always sound shit whenever I sing a Malay song.

Oh. So that's how one looks like singing. HAHAHAHAHHA, ugly. Kbai, this post has got to be the ugliest post, ever. I'm so tired. JHSHKDFBK 83WER YAY BUNNIES xx

2011-08-16T15:11:00.000+08:00

"You see a random stranger that catches your attention, somewhere in public. You & that person exchanged a few glances, but then end up not introducing yourselves to each other. There are strangers that I sometimes see, and after they're out of my sight forever, I think of all the possibilities I could have had with them if I were to actually introduce myself for once." - Tumblr

I iz happy.

2011-08-16T01:20:00.000+08:00

School's finally out! I'm so glad, I really need to catch up on my sleep. Oh, and study, considering that my exams are next week. My recent results aren't pretty at all, so, I guess, I really have alot of bucking up to do. Definitely not looking forward to the next semester, the thought of having new classmates all over again. "Hi, I'm Sheila & I have no life."

I'll miss my bunnies♥

That Camera.

2011-08-13T03:35:00.001+08:00

Remember that one time, I blogged about how I wanted the dual screen camera from Samsung? Guess what? Papa finally bought me the camera. You have no idea how happy I was, I was ecstatic. He called me asking if the camera I wanted was Samsung. I came back home, with the camera on the table. I love him.

But mine's purple though. You'd be expecting more pictures on my blog now that I already have my own camera ;)

Ignore my makeupless face. I got used to going around without makeup. I honestly have more pictures but they all have Mama & Papa in them. You know how they hate having their face uploaded online. So, you just have these pictures of food :p I wanted to blog about my meetup with my bbygs on Thursday night, but I'm getting way too sleepy to wait for the pictures to be uploaded on this shit.

Hey ladies,

2011-08-05T21:38:00.001+08:00

sekarang cinta pakai otak. Jangan mau rugi hati & juga rugi waktu. Bila dia merayumu ingat semuanya bohong. Memanglah tak semua laki-laki busuk. Namun ladies, tetaplah harus waspada. Semogalah kita semua akhirnya, mendapatkan cinta yang tulus.

After listening to so many boy problems, be it from my friends or from whoever else, I guess, boyfriends, nah, not now. Maybe when I'm already working, or when I leave poly. Honestly, I don't have the time to think of them, or spend time with them.

"Exactly. Boyfriends menyeksa jiwa & raga je (Boyfriends make our heart & soul suffer)" - 3 Anak Dara Metropolitan

Selamat Berpuasa!

2011-08-02T12:57:00.000+08:00

Happy fasting, bunnies. Currently in class doing my presentation slides, the usual. It's the second day of Ramadhan today, and I'm hoping that I could stay this way all the way till the 29th. I haven't curse for two days straight, ok, maybe, I lied. I cursed earlier this morning, because the door was locked ): I said, "Fts". I'm sorry, (bits mouth). To be honest, I don't feel much of a difference, it feels like I'm on a diet. Just that I pray more frequently now, Alhamdulillah. I hope I don't stop. Please, don't stop. Please guide me through, Ya Allah.

Bridesmaid

2011-07-31T17:13:00.001+08:00

I'm not even kidding, this movie is one of the best. It made me cry like a million times, godknowswhy, I think I was just being emotional. The whole rocky bestfriend r/s while preparing the wedding, is crazy. I can't imagine my life being that way. Lol. But if it does happen, I want my own Nathan too (just in case @ginnycarlie gets married & leaves me alone).

Holy hell.

2011-07-28T02:02:00.001+08:00

Oh-my-god, Sheila. Malam-malam so miang, I can't stand myself. Amongst all the people I could "miang" to. Oh yes, I'm actually quite glad that I'm actually single rn. I don't think that I'd actually have the time to entertain one's bullshit everyday, I can't even handle my own. I'm always so tired, how am I supposed to find time. Le sigh, just give myself a clone already.

"Dambaan" - Didicazli

2011-07-26T15:13:00.005+08:00

So much hatred for this song (I have nothing against Didicazli tho)
If only one didn't sing/dedicate this song for me. I still remember the message, Shahsheila? Honeybear? Hahaha, fuck you. Why do I still think about you? You've moved on, I should too. Holy hell. Fuck you, Sheila. Mendidih hati aku tau. Lol, fuck. It's shit how I'm still waiting for you to text me again. The last time you sent me a msg & was on January 3 2010, I just saw it. What fuckery is this. I'm just kidding, I was lonely for that one moment. I'm fine now, I still think about you tho, but I've already moved on ;) Text me, if you see this, let's chat.

Lembut?

2011-07-26T01:23:00.001+08:00

"Kelembutan bukan suatu kelemahan, bukan pula kehinaan dari Tuhan. Tapi sebagai hiasan kecantikan, dan kekuatan." - quoted

My friends kept telling me how I'm such a "soft" person, or in Malay, lembut. I was starting to get annoyed because I just don't like the term "girly-girl". Well, this girly-girl loves horror movies, theme parks & video games, try searching for another one like me (hahhahah, such a stupid point). I was glad that someone said that quote above. Maybe, it's not that bad after all.

(I'm posting via my Iphone, wanted to try it out :p Lul)

Inalillahi Wainalillahi Raji'un.

2011-07-21T11:56:00.000+08:00

It was just recently that @ginnycarlie & I were talking about Cikgu, who knew she'd go this fast. I woke up receiving numerous texts from unknown numbers telling me Cikgu has left us. I texted @ginnycarlie straight away, we felt really guilty for all the things we've done to/said about her. I'm glad that we seek for her forgiveness during the last lesson with her, I can see her smiling face in my head as we speak. She actually made our secondary school life fulfilling, all those screams, scoldings & laughters. We'll miss her♥ Let's all give our prayers for her, sedekahkan Al-Fatihah for her.

Semoga roh cikgu ditempatkan digolongan orang-orang yang beriman. Insya'allah, amin!

Alhamdulillah, Ya Allah! :')

2011-07-20T13:21:00.006+08:00

I've recently gotten my results for my last exam, okay, maybe not the last since I'm having an on-going exam right now (One last paper to go tmr, & I'm all done!).

Please excuse that "D" for my Immunology, I partial-ed & didn't do anything the whole day. Hhahahahaha, #forever. When everyone was freaking out over the Immunology result that came out yesterday in class, I was like, "Ugh. Why now? This is not happening, everyone's going to ask the old & stupid me, what's my results". I swear to god, I thought I was going to fail it since one of the smartest kid in class got a "D", even my close classmate in class got a "D". She was supposed to be so much smarter than me. When I checked it, I was like

"Oh-my-god. Oh-my-god (at heart) Ya Allah, Alhamdulillah! Syukur!" I actually managed to get an A. I'm still in awe. Insya'allah, for the upcoming paper (which is tmr), I manage to get another A (because looking @ my daily grades for Immunology, I don't think it's going to help me in anyway). I can't slack anymore, I have to do well for these few weeks, I know I can do it. Yes, I can!

Right, apart from the fact that Rebecca Black has a new music video, and I saw it when the number of viewers was stuck @ "302" (forever, abe mcm proud gitulah tengok siang2. She actually doesn't sound that bad? O_O)

Siti Nurhaliza's English song (Falling In Love) came out yesterday too! Honestly, at first, I didn't quite like it, probably because she swallows her words at some parts of the song. Her diction isn't that good yet (who am I to judge - I was talking about when I first listened to it @ APM) but after listening to it like what seemed like 4 times, it's actually quite good? I don't know. It makes me gelek? We all know that when songs makes me gelek, they're good. Adib is in the video @ 1:06, he's so cute!

It's weird that whenever I listen to this song, I'd think about her singing it to Dato' K. Hhahahahhahahahhaha, k, I'm sorry. That's mean. "I can't seem to find myself. I can't seem to ease my mind. I think I'm fallin', I'm fallin' & I can't, stop fallin', I'm fallin' in love with you".

P/s,
How do people find the time for relationship? I don't have one, and I'm already so busy. Imagine having one, the thought of meeting them after school, I'd have to sacrifice my night (=sleep)! Holy hell. No thanks. Maybe not now, hahahahah, maybe this is why Sagittarius are said to never be committed.

“Allah has already written the names of your spouses for you. What you need to work on is your relationship with Allah. He will send her/him to you when you’re ready. It is only a matter of time”
— Sheikh Mamdouh

Which is why we don't go searching for one, they'll come. Someday.

Ohai, Syazani.

2011-07-17T03:22:00.002+08:00

I've been staring @ the first topic for Anatomy & Physiology since 4 hours ago, and I kept playing this video on repeat (A teeny bit distracting, k, alot). Everytime he looks up into the camera, I die a little inside.

My god, and who's the poopy-butt that scheduled the exam to be on a Monday? They should just put that shit on a Tuesday or something. I want my rest, you stupid piece of shit. I'm going to finish studying at least 3 topics today, you can do it, Sheila. Oh yes you can! Looks like I might skip Madrasah again today, le sigh, god must be so disappointed in me. I'm disappointed in myself.

Apm '11

2011-07-16T14:55:00.010+08:00

I know I promised to upload more pictures from Muara, but I can't be arsed anymore :p I'm #foreverlazy. I was supposed to go catch Harry Potter today, but I overslept since my phone died & my alarm didn't ring. I woke up screaming. I guess @aleiycja & @p0p51c13z are pissed at me. I'm sorry bbys, I owe you )':.

Anyway, Anugerah was okay. A little draggy at times, but I was glad that I knew like 3/4 of the songs they performed. If not, I'd prolly just fall asleep there. My god, and Adi Putra's soooo hot.

K whatever, I met Caprice & Nik Irfan yesterday, they're mad friendly (I suke, suke, suke!) They even belanje-ed us each Double Choco. Such sweethearts <3 :') Yay, Ariz is taller than me :p (He looked mad tired tho) Oh yes, yes, who knew that the guy that I think was soo cute was actually Dato' K's son. I honestly thought that it was Nik Irfan's brother or something, they looked sooo alike!

After the whole meet up, I went off to Tamp Mall to meet Junie (supposedly), but since she took forever, I spent a whole hour/2 shopping, alone. Hahhahaha, forever a goddmn lone ranger. It was amazingly fine, I had fun. I talked to the salesperson like they're my friends. It was crazy. In the end, I bought myself a pair of platform heels! Mad excited for this year's Raya. I can see myself in that & an Abaya-inspired-dress. Excuse my ugly feet.

#foreverhappygal93

Edit (170711):
I just realised that I didn't upload any pictures that's Apm related. I shall just upload one (or 2 in this case).

And how your's truly dressed like. Gddmn oily face. And I just realised how my left eye is so much smaller compared to the right whenever I smile. (Paparazzi moment)

But why?

2011-07-13T00:54:00.005+08:00

Why are girls so dependent on guys? I would never understand why would anyone let their guards down & be hurt. Why is it that they have to do everything with that guy? Why is it that they'd cry when they miss them? Why is it that they'd feel like dying with the guy? I have so many whys in my head, but never the answer. People are going to say how I've never experienced it to know. Rubbish, I have. I've fell in & out of love before, I've cried. But if you come to think about it, why? What's the use? I can't stand how everyone is searching for "love". Love will come when it wants to. I hate how some people think that their life is nothing without having a boyfriend/girlfriend. That's rubbish. God loves you, he would always love you. You're never alone.

#Foreverhappygal93

Muara - Pesta Tari Melayu 2011

2011-07-11T22:39:00.002+08:00

To be honest, this was my first "for-real" outdoor performance apart from the National Day performance under Bb Cc (that was in 2007, practically 3 years ago). It was a great experience, would love to have something similar to this again. I'm thankful to those that actually came down to see yours truly's fat ass, dance :p

I'd like to put up more pictures but my internet isn't really cooperating with me right now. I'll continue again, some other time.

38663.) I want to be skinny.

2011-07-04T14:49:00.000+08:00

So skinny. More than anything on this Earth. I want the doctors to worry, my parents to care, my friends to notice. Maybe if I'm skinny, a boy might love me?

Fat bitch with bad hair.

2011-06-29T00:32:00.004+08:00

DECEMBER = BEAUTY
This straight-up means you're the most good-looking, loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants. The Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. having many children. Hardworking. High spirited.

I'm confused_gal93. I have so much to say, but I don't know what. My head & my feelings' in a mess. I don't know what I want anymore.

Bagai langit & bumi.

2011-06-27T23:26:00.002+08:00

#Mimpijelah
I don't know why I even like you in the first place. If only, you didn't smile at me that one time, if only you didn't, you'd probably be one of those, oh, "pass-by" kids from the neighbouring class. I hate myself for noticing your existence. Maybe, me trying to talk to you was a giveaway. (Sigh) I don't know. Avoid me then, avoid me at all cost. I don't want to see you, neither. I don't know if you're avoiding me, but it just does seem like it. I think, I'm just an embarrassment. I'll just remain in my own "embarrassing" world, you, in your world. Everyday, I wish that I would never bump into you, ever. I'm scared. I don't what to do. Smile or just ignore you? I'd rather just ignore, but obviously, my head keeps screaming, smile. You wouldn't care if I do anyways, you'd just see me & look away. I hate myself for this.

K.

2011-06-20T15:52:00.004+08:00

I think my body would never do me any justice. I stayed up all night studying for my madrasah paper 2 weeks ago, & also 2 days ago. 2 weeks ago, well, I overslept so, I didn't take the paper. Yesterday, I woke up with a reallyreally bad tummyache, which made me cry. I didn't eat the whole day. The smell & the sight of food was nauseating. It was crazy. And because of that, my plan for studying for my Anatomy & Physiology paper today was disrupted. No study = F, so I'd rather take an Mc & have a 50-50% for my other 2 papers.

My tummy feels better now though, but food still makes me want to hurl. So, I'll just give it a pass. Doctor didn't diagnose me with anything, but he gave me all the medicine for gastric. Who knew. I had to eat this powder thing which tasted like crap, I don't even know how's that supposed to help my urge to vomit?

Lul. The only decent underwater shot, the rest are all so buruk, k.

P/s:
The timings for banks and post offices are ridiculous, are they aware that students & adults have to go to school and work? I mean seriously, how are they supposed to catch the time whereby they could go to the banks & post offices? Annoyed.

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One

2011-06-14T12:25:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I just love horoscope definitions like this (wiggles eyebrows) Apart from the "self conceited" ones, they're actually true. Odd.

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found.. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with - you might end up crying.

My name is Sheilaaaa. Sheila di jawaniiii. I'm too sexy for you, Main tere haath na aani~"

2011-06-13T19:02:00.003+08:00

Song has been stuck in my head for days!
Haha, and my god, I love the lyrics to this song!

"Wealth,car and expensive house,
I need a man who can give me all this
I don't like a man whose
pocket is empty and is penniless"
:P

"Love, love, love, is everywhere. But not a drop, for me to drink"

2011-06-12T14:37:00.002+08:00

Yours truly, the girl with a million flaws.

Yours truly is actually studying right now, who knew, eh? Biochem, wai u so hard? No, Science, why are you doing this to me? K. I love Science, I love Science, I love Science.

You need two hands to clap.

2011-06-08T23:13:00.002+08:00

I hate that phrase, because I hate trying. Okay, fine. I lied, I'm always the one who tries, and nothing would happen. No wait, what the fuck am I even babbling about? Fine. I hate having to try then ending up failing anyways. What's the point. Right, everyone learns and grows stronger from a failure. Right, righttt. I forgot about that. At this rate, I'll be single for life. Wait, are we back into this topic? What even, Sheila. Hahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahaa. Aku mabok.

I'm actually revising through my Biochemistry right now, just a sudden thought. I mean, I like being alone you see. I think I'm getting way too comfortable with that fact. I might start going shopping alone, even. Wow. You're a changed woman, Sheila.

I feel so fucking fat right now, haven't been to the gym for a week now. I feel so unhealthy & god, fat! I look in the mirror, and get so frustrated with myself. I just had to be so happy these few days. I thought having lost quite a few pounds was okay for me to eat again. Ugh, I can't wait for fasting month. I need it. I need to use it to lose weight & to get myself closer to god. I've been going too astray now. Astaraughfirullahalazim. Ape nak jadi dengan kau ni, Sheila.

P/s,
I've been seeing 11:11 every single day, even twice in a day, this week straight. I keep having dreams about being in a relationship/getting married. Can someone please tell me why? Am I going to be single for life? Trollllllllololol. Seriously though?

I went to Johor last Monday, & watched Nurkasih The Movie. Nyeahaha, I shall post about it when I found my cable to upload pictures.

Ohai.

2011-06-03T00:24:00.001+08:00

Say hello to this birthday girl, Minfeng. I swear to god, I have no idea what to blog about anymore. Apart from the fact that the smell of Pandan makes me nauseous. I only found that out after making Pandan cake earlier today, it's a no go. I felt awfully sick straight after that, and because I felt terribly nauseous, I slept with my head dangling off the edge of the bed. I felt so much better when I woke up, though.

Oh, and I went to Anugerah this week. Funny, I had 4 free tickets. Who knew, Syazani was eliminated on that day, thank god I managed to get the ticket. Look at the bright side, he'd be back on Youtube & I'll just sit down happily listening to his covers. Tak perlu lah kite mencuba lagi..

How this retard pretty much look like, after a lab session. I hate how the side of my hair is still too short to be tied up. Ugh.

Where I wasted my tears: NurKasih.

2011-05-28T18:30:00.004+08:00

I'm always slow when it comes to shows, when cerite dah basi, then I want to watch. I spent my night watching 26 episodes of Nurkasih. It's funny how, I love crying. I think it makes me feel so much more free? My heart always feel so restless. You know, everyone needs those days where you just want to cry & let everything out? Well, I don't get them. So, I usually resort to sad dramas/movies to let them all out.

The last episode made me cry like mad. I love how happy endings makes me cry. I can't wait to watch the movie now. Prolly dragging Mama to watch it with me, tomorrow. Hopefully, everyone's free tomorrow. I'd prolly cry my eyeballs out again, but I can't help it. It's sad :'( I saw the trailer, is Adam going to lose another child? :/

-650 cals

2011-05-25T22:39:00.003+08:00

I get so happy when I get text messages from people. Doesn't matter who, my dead phone's not so dead anymore ;) The awkward moment when the song in your blog made you cringe & angry.